Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
