apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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