You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
