could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
