How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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