I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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