dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
