He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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