I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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