so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
