Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
