In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
