Need sex. Gaining weight.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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