Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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