you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
