highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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