My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize