she woke up with a sticky ear
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
