i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
