why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
