My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
