i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
