Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
