Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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