Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
