You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
