Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
