Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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