I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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