remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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