If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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