Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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