Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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