Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
