you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
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We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my poor anus
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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