Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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