My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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