I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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