I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
