I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
