I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
