saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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