every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
