Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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