Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
