your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
