i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish you could order shots online.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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