Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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