So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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