We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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