I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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