She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
