I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
