do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
