and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
