well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
