Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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