I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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