Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
