My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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