Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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