holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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