Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
