mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
